Bovine and Tacos

After his time in the park, Wade had had his fill of politics and decided he was hungry, but he didn't know where, or even what this place had.

"Let's see,"McSpankey's... No. Jack In the Crack? Hell no. Beef McMoo's... Eh, I think that will be ok, I like beef." Wade said aloud as he began looking at the different restaurants in the area, and he walked into Beef McMoo's.

As he walked through the door, Wade found the the whole place was painted white with black splotches, like a cow. This kind of made Wade uneasy, but he decided to sit down and order. The waitress, dressed the same as the walls, only with utters on her stomach, took his drink order and told him she would be back in a little bit to get his meal order.

While looking at the menu, Wade heard a strange sound behind him, thinking nothing of it, he ignored it.

Tommy... You're not really going to do this to me are you?

"Mooooooooooo!" Wade heard again. This time he knew what it was... The most frightening creature he had ever encountered... A cow.

Dammit Tommy... Just wait until I get out of here and come after you ass!

"What the hell!" Wade yelled as he turned around the face the black and white monstrosity, "OH SHIT! A COW!" Wade yelled as he jumped up and unsheathed his sword. With one fluid motion, he slashed the cow, at least what he thought was the cow. Upon a second look,, he found that he had slashed the waitress, who now stood there completely unharmed, but naked, as the sword and cut through her suit.

Stunned Wade looked at her, "Damn, you're hot. Wanna go to may place? Well I don't really have a place. Wanna go to your place?" At this, the waitress dumped the class of Dr. Pepper on his head and walked away, still naked and still very sexy.

Wade walked out of the restaurant and walked across the street to a Taco Bell he hadn't noticed before. Wade walked in only to be stared at by horrified faces.

"S-s-sir. You cannot come in here, you will have to take that suit off. And those swords... And those guns." The made behind the counter said.

"So what do you want me to do?" Wade replied, "Come in here naked? I think not. I just want a couple of tacos. I can wait outside while you get them even."

"No sir, we refuse to serve you." The man said.

"Fine, whatever. I refuse to let you be alive any longer." Before the man could express the fear of his life, Wade shot him in the head with a .40 caliber handgun. The man was dead before the hit the ground as a pool of blood began to spread around his body. The other workers ran frantically to the back while Wade walked out.

"That piece of shit, wouldn't even give me a damn taco. Oh well. I'll find something else to eat."




---BONUS!---

A conversation between Wade and the author:

Wade: Okay Tommy, we have a problem.

Tommy: And what would that be, Wade?

Wade: you made me terrified of cows!

Tommy: After research, I found that you were.

Wade: That is beside the point! You didn't have to make this version of me afraid of them!

Tommy: Well it was either that or you being afraid of chickens.

Wade: Too late for that... Wait... Dammit.

Tommy: So you are afraid of chicken?

Wade: This interview is over.

Tommy: Oh, this is going to be fun.

Wade: I'm going to kill you.